Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
