I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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