if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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