my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes