turn off your phone and go to bed
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.