btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on