I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.