If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.