i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
