so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize