I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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