So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
