I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
