So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
