exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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