discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
