I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
