in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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