yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
