I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize