My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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