I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
