there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
