is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
