just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
