My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize