Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
