we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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