i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
