Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
