like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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