Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
