Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
