I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
