I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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