sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize