tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This beer is not sobering me up at all
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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