hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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