Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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