Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
