So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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