At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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