sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
