id be glad to
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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