Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
