at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
