ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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