Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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