I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
