If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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