there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
