That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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