On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
