Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
