My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
