In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
