I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
