Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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