Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
