he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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