I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize