I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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