Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
