What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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