I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
