We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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