I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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