Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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