I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
