like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
