i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
