Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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